Waking up this morning, I felt so optimistic. Wilson was on his way home - I checked the flight status; it showed he had been on the ground here in Minneapolis for almost an hour so the cab should be pulling into our drive any moment. I felt calm and open and joyful. I filled the waiting time by checking email and found the sad news that M’s sister is lost to mental illness.
Why has M’s life been so hard the last few years? The loss of her a son, her own severe health issues, and now this. Why do I get to have so much at this point in my life while she is having so much taken away? How do I reconcile my joy and happiness in life at this moment with the pain so many others are facing? I wonder if you are asking the same questions.
I know that life is random in many ways, and this often accounts for one person walking a much harder road. And even what isn’t random, like H taking her own life, can be completely out of our control.
For me, the sacred is in the connection. I believe we create our own meaning in our interactions with others, in that spark where two conscious entities connect, even for a fraction of a second and even without full understanding.
So, with acceptance of our lack of control, and a belief that we create meaning in our interactions with others, how to react to the pain others experience? I continue to feel joy and optimism in my reunion with Wilson, and I am more clear after writing this that this is good and right.
Still, the 11 year old in me says it isn’t fair. The 49 year old replies, it isn’t, it’s Life.
I am reminding myself to be grateful for all the connections I have.